Are we averse to Change?

India rates 70th among the Happiest countries in the world. India is ranked 11th in the highest suicidal rate in the world.
A study from 2011, WHO says India is the most depressed country in the world.

But, you ask any average Indian, we (including me) are immensely proud of our ancient culture, civilization, diversity, tradition, morals and heritage. It makes me wonder, with such a rich culture and heritage, where have we lost our edge? Our religion supposedly gave us the way of living. The scriptures accurately tells us how to live life, when to do what. Our ancestors have been practicing it and have passed on to us accurately. But then, why are we unhappy, depressed and committing suicide?

I think, somewhere along the way, we have shown a huge resistance to change. As the times changed, education, technology and other inventions changed our lives, we have had no clue how to adapt our old traditions and way of living to the new changed circumstance. Is it because we were always “TOLD” by our elders what to do, how to behave, what to follow and what not to follow? We lost the advantage of our ancient civilization there, when we stopped thinking, didn’t change our thoughts when the times changed. (for ex: Accepting that a woman can be equally educated and can earn as well as a man). If we plan to apply the rules of Chanakya (which says a woman’s place is at her husband’s feet) in this era (I know some people quote him), we are being unreasonable. Chanakya himself would have changed his views if he was alive to see the changes today. It started with protecting the woman as she was fragile, now it is being used by chauvinists as an excuse to apply the same rule and say this is “Parampara”. We are Indians, we don’t dress like this, and our culture doesn’t allow us to eat this, go out like that, or have boyfriends!! But we don’t want to believe and accept what’s happening in front of our eyes. This is the huge resistance to change. We think we don’t have culture, if we don’t follow the rules laid by ancestors. But why aren’t we using logic? Why this blind patronage to culture? Can’t we accept the change that is so real and see how we can adapt it into our lives? For ex: Let our kids make their decision but at the same time give them enough information to make an informed choice.

I know that a lot of people amongst us have had the maturity to understand that our old thinking needs to be tweaked to be applicable to this day. But the majority hasn’t. We have to wait to see generations doing one thing to believe that we can let our kids do it. For ex: Love marriage is more common today than 30 years back. Since everybody around is doing it, it is okay to do it. I remember the first of my cousins to get into a love marriage with a man from another community in 90’s. The entire extended family was up against her. Now, love marriages are casual in our family.

We have only devolved over a period of time, by not changing with the times. Somewhere it has become a confused society. Everybody is at a defined comfortable position of security. For some, love marriage is a crime, while for some Love marriage within community is ok but outside isn’t. We all have our cosy place where we feel comfortable but do not want to evaluate the validity of our beliefs beyond our comfort zone. How else do you explain an educated boy getting married to an educated working girl but expect her to do everything his mother did? In spite of being educated and capable of earning as well as a man, Women are okay with paying dowry to get married?

Due to lack of acceptance of change, we have terrible insecurity around us, especially our children. Each generation is a changed one, but we constantly stop them from being who they are. We want them to be like us.
Isn’t that the reason why Parents want to control the lives of their married sons? Some parents bring up their children so dependent upon them that they are happy making his decisions long after he has got married and have children. Our well-meaning mythological stories have become our hindrance today. A mother is supposed to sacrifice; otherwise she isn’t a good mother. A working mother is made to feel guilty every day that she isn’t doing enough for her kids. This same working mother will have lesser intervention in her children’s lives when she grows older because she might have nourished some of her interests and she has something to do in her old age. Whereas the mothers who sacrificed may demand that their children listen to them, they will dictate whom to marry, when to have children, etc.

I think our ancestors were smart. They defined a way of life that resonated in their age and lived happily. We, somewhere down the line followed it blindly; we have become a confused and insecure lot and made our lives miserable, unable to accept the new and unwilling to let go of the old. If we were told, evaluate what you are doing and do it only if you think it is right, would we be different today? Would we allow our kids to pick up a different career or marry as per their wish? Would we question why do we need dowry today? I just wonder…

International Women's day...

This writing was totally unintentional, lot of thoughts crossed my mind as I sat through the International Women’s day panel of discussion at work place, had to write it somewhere.

Unfortunately, Women’s bill did not pass through in the parliament (courtesy: Yadavs), otherwise it would have been a wonderful gift from Sonia Gandhi to the country.

Coming to equality for women, with a lot said and done, we know that prejudice exists. That is why we have a Women’s day, Women’s bill of reservation to educate much privileged lot that we are quite capable and need equal rights.

One of the thoughts that came to my mind about women being in the forefront of the corporate world is, Do we take ourselves seriously?>

We can complain about the glass ceiling (I am sure it exists). But it won’t vanish one day through the magic wand, we are responsible as much as the other half of the human fraternity for what we are today, for the good and the bad, that is. I think we can’t clap with one hand.

I have observed woman colleagues over last 7 years of my career and I see two things probably responsible for women not being there, where they could have been.

Firstly, the prejudice or call it bias that men and women are not created equal, exists. It is so strongly entwined in us that we might as well deny it exists in us. It may have come from origin, ethnicity, culture, upbringing, economy or name anything. I do not certainly talk about men when I say prejudice. It exists among women for women as well. It is for all of us to see a woman from an unbiased perspective and believe that she has been created equal and given a chance and support, she is as capable of any of others on this planet.

If the first thing is seeing everyone equally, second most important thing is to see ourselves equally. Do you take yourself seriously, woman? If Bias exists in men, this not taking them seriously is a specific prejudice we women carry with ourselves. I have observed many working women; we do not tend to take ourselves too seriously at work. Given a task, we (at least some of us) tend to shrug it off saying “oh it is for the hard working lot. Probably I do not have enough capability or information to do it”. We let others (men in the team) take credit of our work (in case it happens), sometimes we take work casually, we leave the major responsibility to our able colleagues. We let them do all the talking for us. If anyone has to take us seriously, I believe it should start from us. Unless we make an effort to project ourselves equally capable, unintentionally, by their sheer nature, our wonderful male colleagues will out do us. It is important for us to feel the competition and believe that we are in the race. If we want to be treated equally, we should start behaving as if we are equal.

I am sure a whole lot of women have achieved a mountain of accomplishments out there. I am talking about a very average working woman, who ventures out to get that other half of the bread for the family. A slight change to the basic nature of the woman can bring this out I believe.