A study from 2011, WHO says India is the most depressed country in the world.
But, you ask any average Indian, we (including me) are immensely proud of our ancient culture, civilization, diversity, tradition, morals and heritage. It makes me wonder, with such a rich culture and heritage, where have we lost our edge? Our religion supposedly gave us the way of living. The scriptures accurately tells us how to live life, when to do what. Our ancestors have been practicing it and have passed on to us accurately. But then, why are we unhappy, depressed and committing suicide?
I think, somewhere along the way, we have shown a huge resistance to change. As the times changed, education, technology and other inventions changed our lives, we have had no clue how to adapt our old traditions and way of living to the new changed circumstance. Is it because we were always “TOLD” by our elders what to do, how to behave, what to follow and what not to follow? We lost the advantage of our ancient civilization there, when we stopped thinking, didn’t change our thoughts when the times changed. (for ex: Accepting that a woman can be equally educated and can earn as well as a man). If we plan to apply the rules of Chanakya (which says a woman’s place is at her husband’s feet) in this era (I know some people quote him), we are being unreasonable. Chanakya himself would have changed his views if he was alive to see the changes today. It started with protecting the woman as she was fragile, now it is being used by chauvinists as an excuse to apply the same rule and say this is “Parampara”. We are Indians, we don’t dress like this, and our culture doesn’t allow us to eat this, go out like that, or have boyfriends!! But we don’t want to believe and accept what’s happening in front of our eyes. This is the huge resistance to change. We think we don’t have culture, if we don’t follow the rules laid by ancestors. But why aren’t we using logic? Why this blind patronage to culture? Can’t we accept the change that is so real and see how we can adapt it into our lives? For ex: Let our kids make their decision but at the same time give them enough information to make an informed choice.
I know that a lot of people amongst us have had the maturity to understand that our old thinking needs to be tweaked to be applicable to this day. But the majority hasn’t. We have to wait to see generations doing one thing to believe that we can let our kids do it. For ex: Love marriage is more common today than 30 years back. Since everybody around is doing it, it is okay to do it. I remember the first of my cousins to get into a love marriage with a man from another community in 90’s. The entire extended family was up against her. Now, love marriages are casual in our family.
We have only devolved over a period of time, by not changing with the times. Somewhere it has become a confused society. Everybody is at a defined comfortable position of security. For some, love marriage is a crime, while for some Love marriage within community is ok but outside isn’t. We all have our cosy place where we feel comfortable but do not want to evaluate the validity of our beliefs beyond our comfort zone. How else do you explain an educated boy getting married to an educated working girl but expect her to do everything his mother did? In spite of being educated and capable of earning as well as a man, Women are okay with paying dowry to get married?
Due to lack of acceptance of change, we have terrible insecurity around us, especially our children. Each generation is a changed one, but we constantly stop them from being who they are. We want them to be like us.
Isn’t that the reason why Parents want to control the lives of their married sons? Some parents bring up their children so dependent upon them that they are happy making his decisions long after he has got married and have children. Our well-meaning mythological stories have become our hindrance today. A mother is supposed to sacrifice; otherwise she isn’t a good mother. A working mother is made to feel guilty every day that she isn’t doing enough for her kids. This same working mother will have lesser intervention in her children’s lives when she grows older because she might have nourished some of her interests and she has something to do in her old age. Whereas the mothers who sacrificed may demand that their children listen to them, they will dictate whom to marry, when to have children, etc.
I think our ancestors were smart. They defined a way of life that resonated in their age and lived happily. We, somewhere down the line followed it blindly; we have become a confused and insecure lot and made our lives miserable, unable to accept the new and unwilling to let go of the old. If we were told, evaluate what you are doing and do it only if you think it is right, would we be different today? Would we allow our kids to pick up a different career or marry as per their wish? Would we question why do we need dowry today? I just wonder…
